It has been a struggle in the last few days with that big D word again, I try to ignore it, but it keeps tapping me on my shoulder. Why it is here I do not know, I work hard I believe in what I am doing, I support peoples journies, but still, the big D sits on me. Will I ever be free of it? will I ever find my independence and value of life, or is this my journey forever? If it is, I do not complain, for as long as people need the wisdom from others achievements, from the struggles and life tools, I am here to celebrate them. But still, that big D sits on me bring me down, slowing me down, telling me that this is all there is and to be of service to others is my purpose. I embrace that, I love that, but sometimes I feel that is all I am, just a service to others and not to myself. Yes, it is the big D talking, but its voice is loud and clear and at times drowns all hope out.
Maybe tomorrow will be better, maybe the big D will be gone, I will continue on for what else is there, I will not let it beat me, but strive to find joy somewhere somehow and feel it override the big D.