Am I sad?
Am I mad?
Am I depressed?
Am I stressed?
Or am I just responding to reality?
I saw a movie last night called “The Sunset Express” with Tommy Lee Jones and Samuel Jackson, it was the best work I have ever seen Samuel do.
The premise is around Samuels character saving a man from jumping in front of a train, then trying to bring him to God to save him. There are two arguments here, and I see both of them, I understand why people give up, I understand when it gets too much, I understand when there is just nothing left in you to give.
I also understand hope, I understand choosing to see beauty instead of all the ugliness, I understand belief in humanity for I fight for it every day, I give my energy every day to the world in hopes that we can see the beauty within us, that we can feel the love, that we can come together and CARE for one another, that we can step into kindness and we can find something bigger than our selves to LOVE.
I CHOSE TO TAKE THIS PATH AS I SEE THE ONLY OTHER PATH IS THE TRAIN.
But, it is hard at times to feel the love amongst the hate, to feel the power of positive energy when it is being sucked right out of you. It is hard to give what is not being replenished so one can understand the choice to quit.
If I did not have 3 wonderful children to love I would have left a long time ago. If I did not have my work (charity work as I do not earn a living from it as people don’t like to pay for services) I would have had no choice but to give up. But are they enough? Is it enough to keep fighting every day for a survival?
Why do we as humans have to make life so hard? Why do we have to be so angry, why do we choose to hate, to fear, the loafing, and pain over the joy of life? This planet gives us more than we need, we have the opportunity to live more than we deserve, we have possibilities galore, but we still feel so disconnected from life its self.
Now I am a spiritual woman, I have no qualms with the divine, it is living on earth that stresses me out. In the divine energy, I am free, at peace, in tranquillity with meaningful love. Then I came back here to all the sorrow and pain and anger and hate disrespect, and I wonder why I have to be here, for am I really making a difference in the lives of others? Am I reaching those in need? Is my work having a positive impact? Does anyone care?
No matter how I feel today, I will carry on. Sometimes I will feel like I am up against a hurricane, sometimes the breeze at me back, but I will carry on, for if I don’t what would be the reason for being here at all.
I hope I am granted a peaceful home that is my sanctuary, a place I can retreat into, my divine world and closed the doors on all else, for without that I am not sure how much more this old body and spirit can take.
I have written this for me, I know no one will read it as they only share pretty pictures and videos. But that is ok, for it is me that needs to say this, as I know I am speaking for so many out there who feel like me and who see that train coming. HOLD ON, this too will pass as all sorrow does, keep your focus on your light, for the darkness cannot survive too long there.
It will be a music day for me, shut off from the world and allow the vibration of music to heal my soul and spirit, and tomorrow I will put on my happy hat and share someones wisdom with the world for anyone to hear if they choose to.
Happiness is not guaranteed, we do have to work at it, but sometimes we have to retreat to regroup in order to find a spark of joy in our lives. Do for you what you need to do to come back from the darkness into the light.
Blessings
Sara Troy
