Someone took thier bitter pills this morning. Aroura age 16. suck it

Posted on December 8, 2008 by Sara Troy

Let’s compromise. I’ll fix my self if you fix your attitude. Fixing the world one cynical asshole, and one cynical bitch at a time. The truth is we want to, well fuck it, I want to believe there is true love, true monogamy, maybe just the truth in general. You know forever searching for a reason in war. And yah it’s fucked up how god will be my savior when I have no place else to go, god I will say; “ please I’m sorry, I can be better, repent my sins, save my soul, I no longer wish to endure earthly delights, or crave a deadly sin.”

Instead I wish to be a keen hypocrite, walking my ass along the busy road contradiction, steady as I go heading towards salvation. Look here’s my truth, or perhaps confusion whatever you want to call it. I give it to you in whole in trade for you tell me I’m good. It’s not really our fault though is it, sorry my fault. This world ate me alive and I, me alone, grinding my self in the blender, pushed down my own button of some kind of sick despair I can’t explain. But holy fuck it’s there, every time I wake up in the morning I take my own mind and take it all. Somewhere you don’t understand because you’re in a different blender. Yah, that’s what it comes down to, kitchen utensils and cheap metaphors. I could say dark holes, shadows of things I want to be, maybe hell. But you thought that anyway, so what’s the point, saying things you already know. I love all of you. Got you on that one huh? Kind of threw it out there. Well maybe I don’t love all of you. But Jesus I think I could. I know I could. We’re always just knowing stuff hey. What the fuck do I know? That I don’t know, yah, that’s what I know. Nothing. Lets rephrase. I want to love all of you. I want you to tell me things you didn’t know you could say. Yah tell me it hurts the most when it’s silent, and say you feel the most when it’s silent. It’s only love when the snow falls in the night, and hate with the streetlight. A forever seeing eye of the ugly things. your ugly things, my ugly things, whatever we’re all the same, you just don’t know it yet. Yah I’m a dope, but no one has ever told me it’s going to be all right. Suddenly clichés make sense and I want to be a yuppie. Yah, I know, I don’t want to be a yuppie. I just say things to say them. So I wanted to be a yuppie for a second. I don’t judge you. Fuck and these lies don’t stop do they, yah, I judge you. But honestly, I only want to know about your past, the things that make you smile, and make you cry. Don’t tell me your favorite color; I couldn’t care less. Or maybe it’s green because where you grew up there was this gargantuan green tree in your back yard, right in the view from your bedroom window. You used to spend hours looking at it lit up by the moonlight, swaying with the wind. It’s ludicrous I know, but I know you want to say you could of sworn it was talking to you. Telling you, yah, it’s okay, everything will be all right. It’s okay, you can say it, say that nothing has ever been as beautiful as that tree with snow heavy on the branches, nothing has ever comprehended your stare like that. Yah, you grew up, moved to the city, now you got a couple of fake plants in your apartment. But it’s going to be all right. Everything is all right in the end because nothing is what it seems. And you realize, yah, I’ve never been all right. And I’m all right. But excuse me, I don’t mean to be nuisance. But could someone save me now? I think I’m ready for it, the whole shebang, the tears, the “I had no idea” comments, the totally necessary hugs, and I love you. Yah, we’re all completely shit scared for anyone to know who we are in the nude. I see the irony in this, since it’s what we long for most, someone to know the naked truth. No, wait, someone to want to know me, I mean us. I mean like really want to know me, opps, us. Because honestly, I really just want to know you. Yep, no lie, tell me everything, I’ll take it in strides, and leave my opinion aside if you don’t want to hear it. I’ll even hug you if that’s what you need. And I’m awful at hugs, intimacy in general. But that’s another rant altogether isn’t it. I guess all I’m trying to say is, I’m flagging you down, my horn is roaring, I’m shooting my guns. But nobody is listening, nobody wants to hear I suppose. I wish Jesus would save me. But I don’t believe in him. Quite a predicament.

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From Extrovert to Introvert

Posted on November 23, 2008 by Sara Troy

I have come a long way in the last 8 years from my days of insecurity and self-doubt. I used to be so free-spirited in my youth and lived by my instincts and free will, then life and all the negative experiences took that innocent view of life from me and I for a while only saw darkness in my life, and to some point liked it, but now I am free of it all. or am I?

I understand why people go towards darkness; it can be easy if you are avoiding pain because you become numb to anything both good and bad. I do not mean suddenly becoming a killer of a torturer, but a person so filled with pain doubt and mistrust that hiding in the dark feels a safe place to avoid it all. It is dark, emotionless and requires no effort on your behalf to change anything at all.

It is all a lie, of course, there is no hiding from life, no hiding from pain and no hiding from the responsibility to one’s spirit and soul. As they say, you can run but you cannot hide. There is no escaping your self no matter how you hide, drown it out drink it out or drug it out, you are always there face to face with your existence and the choices that you have made.

Yes, we make the choices not always in what happens to us but in how we choose to survive it. We can choose to fight for our selves or to give in, to accept being a victim or stand up for our selves and turn it around to something good for our selves.

Yes choice, no matter what horrific things happen to us we have the choice in how we react to it. I know you are saying does a person who has suffered a car accident have a choice if they end up in a chair, yes; they have the choice to adjust to their new lifestyle with dignity and triumph. You can choose to be whow is me, or rise to the challenge to overcome the obstacle in your life and find a connection within your self to a higher God or spirit to find that strength to overcome and move forward to a new life and all its possibilities.

I can hear you! I know that you are shouting that your circumstance is worse than anyone else’s and that your pain is bigger than anyone else, and that is because you have given that pain that torment the power to rule your life and cripple you in your own existence.

Is my pain any worse than yours? Who knows, it comes down not to how much pain but how we overcome the pain. It is not my owey hurts more than yours but how to find the strength and direction to go through it and lead a productive life because of it. We can do it and must do it in order not to be a victim for the rest of our lives.

I am a victim of rape and deceit and have mistrust in people because of it. I have logically overcome my rape, it happened but I do not want to give them any more power than they think that they have. I have as you have, trusted the ones closest to you only to be betrayed in the worst way, the devaluing of who you are the degrading of your soul and the battering of one’s spirit. I have been down this road, and I will not lie, it has left me scarred for life. But my challenge was to overcome by giving back to my self my spirit my soul and my worth. How could anyone else value me if I could not value my self?

How does a child who has been victimized get over it? With love, value and empowerment of the spirit. Teach the child that

  1. IT WAS NOT THEIR FAULT THEY DID NOT ASK FOR IT IN ANYWAY.
  2. LOVE THEM UNCONDITIONALLY WITHOUT JUDGEMENT OR EXPECTATION
  3. EMPOWER THEM TO TAKE BACK THEIR LIVES AND LOVE AND VALUE THEMSELVES SO THEY DO NOT STAY A VICTIM FOREVER

We are inclined in our nervousness not to talk about it; we are embarrassed, fearful or just cannot cope with it all. Just like death, we need to talk about it, to speak of what happened takes away the magnitude of it, desensitize the act, not the person. Once the person who has been victimized feels comfortable with speaking about it, it takes the shame and the dirtiness away from it, putting the damming onto the victimizer, not the victim. We have to face it, deal with it, not feel shame over it and we have to overcome it. It takes time love understanding and the power of valuing the victimized person.

Why do I keep going on about valuing? It is because what rape or any victimization does, to take away your sense of value, your sense of any rights and you as a person, resulting you into a nothing of no worth or value, which is what the assailant wants, for you to feel like a nothing a no one garbage so that they feel something more than the garbage that they are and feel in themselves. They get empowerment by degrading you and taking away your self-power.

Yes, I was once a free spirit once, a bundle of life and joy and lived in trust. It got beaten out of me not just once but many times because I did not fight for my self worth but started to believe that I was worth nothing or why would these things keep happening to me. But one day I woke up and made the choice.

I was dead in my life for many years, being whatever anyone wanted me to be. I looked always positive so not many new of my dead soul. I had given up I did not feel worthy of life. I was in a soul-destroying marriage where I would be beaten down on a regular basis for not being good enough for my husband. I felt a lousy mum because I could not show them hope or the joys of life. I loved them completely and if it were not for them I would have gladly totally died.

But one day my hope visited me, a spirit even for a short while lifted me up and I started walking towards the light of the living, it gave me some strength, enough to start fighting for my existence in any way I could. It was not easy for I always felt that big brick wall of not being worthy in my way. Through my spiritual beliefs, I found help and started my long journey back to my life.

I could not go back to what I was or I would become a victim again. I had to be stronger, surer and in tune with my spirit soul and mind in order for my heart to beat with the sounds of life again. I had to block out all and anyone how stole my energy or who lived in negativity. I had to take journeys in to find my soul and not be affected by the bombardment of negative shattering going on around me. People do not like change especially if you are changing for the better. They do not like it because you remind them of their misery and the fact they do not want to or do not have the courage to make the choices to change their lives for the better.

Making a choice to change to deprogram all that has been and to start all over again is a hard one and one that needs commitment and tenacity and courage to succeed in. There is no gain without some pain, but the rewards are so great that it puts you on another level of existence that you never could have thought off before.

So why the extrovert to an introvert? If I have done all this work and I am at peace with my self and do not live in fear any more why am I an introvert? Because I choose to be. I was the extrovert to cover up my inadequacies because I never felt worthy enough so I would be over the top to overcome what I thought I was not.

Now I do not need to. I only have friends with my good will at heart, I only give love to those who show the value of me, I only hold dear those that I can and will trust. It is not about the masses but the selected few that I need around me. I can give them my all in trust and receive all in faith because I know that I can trust them.

I do not need the attention I needed before in order to make an impression, I do not need to please everyone around me to be of self-value. My energy is so far out there in the universe that to blast it around to those who do not know how to use it or value it is a waste of energy. I am a giver will always be, but now it is given to those who will honour it reproduce it and turn around to pass it on to someone else.

I like watching people and life around me, I like dipping in when I feel like it. I like stepping back and observing life from out of the circle. I like my own company and no longer I am I running from my self.

I have found my peace, my equilibrium, love and honour and most of all value to my self and society. I am finally whole reborn newborn carrying with me the wisdom of life.

It is a journey, sometimes hard sometimes a breeze, but whichever way the winds blows we have to walk our path, for it is our meaningful journey of life.

ART BY NATASHA

Story By Sara Troy

2008

2019. Update

I now redirect my extrovertness towards my interviews and allow my meaningful positive energy to be immersed into them. Once I have done these inspiring illuminating shows, I revert back into my introvertedness where I regain my energy and equilibrium. Now all these years later I am not bending into a pretzel to please anyone else, or being an extrovert to hide behind my self, but embracing all I have become blending my past, future and now together, as that is what makes me as one cohesive being living her meaningful life of purpose. 

By Sara Troy 

With over 2300 shows in our Orchard of Wisdom Library of which Sara has done 1400 shows, the knowledge you seek is but a click away.

COME HERE TO SEE HOW TO BECOME A GUEST  OR HOST AND BUSINESS MEMBER

We are all so much more than we believe we are.

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Black in North America: The President & The One Drop Rule

Posted on November 21, 2008 by Sara Troy
Black in North America: The President & The One Drop Rule
By Jarod Joseph

From as far back as I can remember I’ve always been my mother’s “BLACK” son. Call it simple or even cheap – but it’s what it has always been and I wouldn’t have it any other way.I don’t mean “black son” in the sense that I was comparable to a handbag or treated as a novelty growing up – I mean in the sense that when the topic of race came up in my mother’s presence without me being there that she was always proud of me, whoever I was to everyone else was totally irrelevant. I was simply her son. When it came down to defending her child’s existence in this cold world I feel she held no punches. My white mother is the smartest person I’ve come across in my life and someone that I rarely question. And I admire the fact that she wasn’t naive enough to think that by showing her blonde hair and green eyed smile to some bigot while walking me through the mall, that I’d miraculously appear more Aryan to him and he’d spare me of his hatred. Sure, I’m half white. There’s no ignoring the science – hiding the facts would mean denying my mother, who I love dearly. But I grew up with a raw, non-sugar-coated perspective that left room for very few surprises when it came to discrimination. The fact that I can convincingly pass as a “light skinned black man” and would pretty much have to sit someone down to explain how I also have white blood, speaks volumes. Although I’ve felt the shun on occasion from the black race I so claim – you know – the feeling of not being “black enough” -It could never match the fact that the word “nigger” is generalized to the point that not even the creaminess of my complexion or the clarification by correction of me saying “Hey, wait a minute; I’m actually not FULL nigger” Is safe from its powerful wrath. I learned that at a young age. Oddly enough, I think my mother was a bigger advocate for this than I am.I recall a time when we were outside our house getting into our car (I was around 8 years) when I looked up at a man walking by us and in passing he remarked “Lady, tell your nigger kid not to stare”. Now, there are many places to go with this one – but I’d rather get to the point – I remember us stopping right then and there – with my mother telling me to get in the car; she and I (clueless, unwilling & reluctantly young of course) followed this man to his front doorstop. And for the days to come, my mom and I were there for 2 days straight to picket outside his house holding a sign that read
“THE GUY IN 7303 CALLS 8 YEAR OLD CHILDREN NIGGERS”.
Whoa. I was so embarrassed – but looking back on it, I can now honestly say that whatever racial issue or hurt I felt growing up probably hit my mother just as hard, if not harder. But then again, with every one of those stories, I could follow it up with one of total embracement from white folks and dare I say, colorblind acceptance. Not everyone is racist, I know this. I grew up in predominately white areas and households and there was never a shortage of love whenever I would seek it and perhaps it’s soft of me to let society label me one thing but I feel as if I had no other choice.I don’t like to revert back to referencing times of slavery – because we (as in everybody) have come so far and it’s almost too easy But “way back when”, the only way I could possibly be the complexion that I am todaywould be by way of rape and the only difference between me and the “real black” folks would be that I was serving food & drinks inside a slave master’s home instead of working outside in the fields. Black was black. Let’s face it, just before most of our parents were born, we couldn’t drink from the same water fountains or even sit in the same region as one another in most places of the U.S. And I’m not talking about black, brown & white folks being deprived the right of living in racial harmony – I’m talking about White & Other. This means, whether you looked like Don Cheadle or Terrence Howard – you weren’t drinking from that “Whites Only” water fountain.I didn’t want this to come of sounding like a history lesson but I feel a few key facts are needed to justify my thought process.Huey P. Newton (co-founder of the Black Panther party), Malcolm-X (civil rights activist), Rosa Parks (the mother of the civil rights movement) were all of mixed-race, but fought for BLACK rights. Sure, it’s a sign of the times, and where we are socially as a culture plays a major role. I’m glad to be a part of this day & age and wouldn’t have it any other way. We’re at a very good place, the best it’s ever been. Hell, when getting technical about it I smile at the irony of the President being both black and white, and almost equally admired by both communities. But I can’t help but feel as if since his election as the next President, there’s this new aroma in the air and I personally feel like the perception of my people has forever been altered – which is a good thing – but I question the motive. It’s as if the gun shots have stopped and I’ve earned clearance to “come out of my cave” and I’m being told to “come on out, you’re with us now”. While I shouldn’t be complaining because it’s what we’re going to need for growth but I can’t help asking “but… why now?” I’m sure that Mrs. Parks could’ve used this type of support from the white community that she was ‘technically’ a part of, when she merely wanted to sit in that seat.  

(Granted, that was 1955. But ethnicity and skin color doesn’t change just because mentality does. I personally don’t have time to waste waiting for people to come around to their senses.)

My point is – it can’t be used conveniently. obamaBarack Obama can’t be the “BLACK” Senator of Illinois and suddenly become the “BI-RACIAL” President of the United States. Maybe it helped on-the-fence voters sleep at night by reminding themselves he’s not “that black”. The biggest worry people have in regards to President-Elect Barack Obama, is whether or not he’ll be assassinated. Now, I don’t know about you but I personally don’t think the brain dead folks that would attempt to put together this elaborate scheme would be doing it because they didn’t like the suit that he wore in his last interview when he promised his country HOPE & CHANGE. And by looking at the accused gunmen from the first assassination attempt, they didn’t seem like they really cared how white Barack Hussein Obama’s mother was. If Barack Obama is claimable then you’ll need to accept the Huey Newton’s and the Malcolm-X’s and the thousands of mixed brothers currently locked up in the prison system and take the good with the bad. Not just when a brother is the picture perfect version of a black man that you’ve been waiting for. Every time his being “The First African-American President” is downplayed and his “blackness” re-evaluated, I feel as if that person is telling me who I am. And that’s no one’s right. There are more black’s that are most likely unaware that they are part white through multigenerational mixing then there is of pure African blood. Black in North-America is a monochromatic pallet of shades. None of us have black skin, let’s be real. Being black is a cultural identification and most of us don’t have time to sit the world down and breakdown what EXACTLY is in our background. The fact that Obama has gone on the record and stated in his books that he self identifies/categorizes himself a BLACK man (while never denying his white side) should be all but enough to put an end to the debate. The ”one drop rule” (it’s true) that the United States so dearly loves to use can’t now suddenly be thrown out just because there’s a socially accepted black man with a very high end desk job that just came to town. All I keep thinking about is the fight for civil rights and how when that battle was going on, the lightness of your skin didn’t spare you from suffering the same abuse and segregation that was happening to brothers that were dark skinned. But now there’s a line drawn in the sand between “BLACK” & “BLACK-ISH”. There is a BLACK man and his family living in the White House. Get over it. History was made.This was Dr. King’s dream, may no one take that from him or those who fought the good fight for “CHANGE”.

– Jarod Joseph

(One day my kids will now be able to turn on the TV and see the man that looks like them who became the leader of the free-world, knowing they too can literally do whatever they set their minds to. I refuse to let anyone correct them with bullshit racial-technicalities.)

Note: I’m not forcing anyone that’s bi-racial to self-indentify as black, just letting it be known why most of us do.

posted by jarod joseph at 8:44 PM on Nov 13, 2008


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Before you hire anyone,

Posted on November 19, 2008 by Sara Troy

Sara’s View of Life with Sara Troy, on air from February 28th 

Soul Empowered Loving Fulfillment

Before you hire anyone is their personality suited to your company.

Understanding and enlightened communication in the workplace raises respect and good relations, which in turn is passed on to the clients. A happy workplace makes for long-term staff and long-term clients. tension in the workplace usually comes from misconception and perceiving miscommunication. Clear concise talk in your S.E.L.F for everyone to understand, eliminates the problem of misunderstanding the situation.

We want our employees to get along, and they can when they know each other’s personality traits and in how to communicate with each other. Well, that communication comes from knowing your own personality traits and where you are at this space in time in your life, which helps you interact with self and those around you in a far more concise way.

Clarity is the key with the Discovery of SELF, knowing how you speak, how you’re heard, and how to hear others.

I am going to share with you the program I do on the ‘Discovery of S.E.L.F” (Soul Empowerment Loving Fulfillment) and  discover your interactions with life in knowingness and self-love.

To Hear the Show GO HERE  

TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS PROGRAM

GO HERE 

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What a difference a week makes.

Posted on November 7, 2008 by Sara Troy

Last week we were facing living out of our car at the end of the month. Now we have a great roof over our heads and we are back on track with work coming in and a renewed sense of purpose.

When the Gods say “I am giving you all you asked for now get out of my way,” one had better do it. They may work in their own time-table, but if you have asked for help and direction then what you have to do is open your channels to hear and see in which direction they send you in, it is always the one you need.

I am feeling for the first time in ages a feeling of grounding. We may only be here in this residence for a few months, but it feels like home and I feel like making it a home again, Rochelle and her friend Kevin who own the place have made it cozy and inviting plus supplied us with some unique furniture to pad things out with. I have my stuff coming from storage on Monday, (not my American stuff which is a full apartments worth) but my dishes, clothes, pieces and nick knacks that make a home. I can entertain again which I used to enjoy so much, but have not done in years.

When we were at our lowest, still having to wait for a contract to come through in time so we could get a house to move to, I reached out to society on Craige’s list with a plea for help. Somewhere to stay with the animals for a few days till we could afford to move. Out of the clouds came a wonderful soul called Cassica, a woman of love and understanding, we talked for hours and just knowing that she gave us an option, a place to rest our heads with our furry babies, was enough to break the curse upon us.

She gave us hope, a sense of hopefulness a security of a bed to rest our heads on, and that in all its genuineness was all we needed to turn things around. We have not met yet, but we both know a lot about each other. I consider her a friend and look forward to her and her family coming over for dinner where I can honor her for the giving soul that she is. I was in pain and she was my rescue and I am profoundly grateful for knowing some cared enough to reach out a hand.

It is funny how the past renews its self. Bill got a contract from one of his old companies and is in talks with another company that he co-founded many years ago. We needed to get out of our rut with the motor development, and diving into other projects right now, not only gives us peace of mind, but also gives us a different platform from which to spring from. A new level of people and new opportunities to reach the visionaries that we so need.

I have to say also, that Barak Obama winning the Presidential seat has given me hope for the future. With his ability to cross colour, age, strata and political boundaries, makes me feel that he will be a president that will bring an equilibrium back to the world as the world embraces his calm logical and persuasive nature, he will truly be the leader to bring balance to America and the world. I am Canadian, yet I feel joy and pride also for the hope he brings to us in doing business in America with out the fear we have had in the past.

So the lesson learned is this, believe, project, be willing to jump out in to the obis of faith with trust and let the Gods and people help you get to where you need to go. It is hard when you are facing hunger and homelessness, but faith must be kept in order for the hope to be delivered. It is all a lesson for us, not to forget the ones in daily need when we ignite out Green Light Trust Fund to help those who are trying but need a base from which to grow in. No regrets, for these lessons in life bring us closer to the joys in life.

Thank you Sam, our old landlord for your understanding and just being such an honorable person, thank you Jan for always being my rock, thank you Tyler for your constant rescue and Craig’s list for giving us all the things we ask of you, and thank you Kokomo and Sativa for being such loving and trusting pets. Bill and I appreciate all of it from every one.

So never give up nor give in, keep thinking positive in order to live positively, faith and trust will lead you out of any dark corner just see you way out and they will lead the way.

God Bless every one and may there be light in your life al all times.

By Sara Towe

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At the cross road of life yet again.

Posted on October 14, 2008 by Sara Troy

I have just had another birthday and I am in my numerology 8th year. This is meant to be my harvest year, a year of reaping the rewards of hard work and diligence, I am so happy to be in this year.

In the last 4 years I have taken so many roads that I am feeling dizzy. But in order to get where I am going these roads were necessary. There is no straight line in life nor should there be. Every twist and turn takes us  to another understanding, meeting new people and learning new lessons. I always say its not a wrong direction but a re-direction, we learn good or bad from every thing we do, or we should do.

No matter where I am now, (at the bottom of the pile) I have no regrets. Could I should I have done things better! Maybe, it was the lessons that I had to learn on the way to my destination not the destination its self. When I do get there I will be so much more knowledgeable and wiser and more able to cope with the enormity of it all.

So its re-direction time again, which is proving to be very interesting. New projects new people new fields, but in the end they all come back to the ezOne motor and what it stands for. But for now we will take this new direction and see whom we meet and what inspirational ideas come out of it.

It is all innovation, the motor, the creative new site we will be building for a new industry, the new soft ware to use, the new peoples to brain wave with. It is exciting to be around new energy, we have been so tied up with the motor that a new direction will help us see things from a different angle with new eyes and hopefully with new innovation.

The mark of my birthday is what have I learnt and accomplished thus far. We are never to old to embrace possibilities. Age is just a different point of view seen by years of experience and inner wisdom’s of living it. So it is not growing older but growing wiser with a more direct ability to see what is in front of you and know when to embrace it. I do feel sorry for those that are fearful of growing old. And aches n pains aside there is a peace to the knowingness and an un-urgency of life in its self. Knowing that there is another day to accomplish things and that we must enjoy this day for tomorrow never really comes and we are always left with today to live in. So enjoy your present, the golden moments of time, renew your selves in vision and excitement, and never sit back complacently but walk forward always in possibilities, for we are never to old to get out of life what we want to see in it and in what we choose to participate in.

Age is in the body but it is the mind that controls all, so think happy, healthy, joyful and adventurous for the mind loves joy and so will the body.

To all those Libra’s out there, HAPPY BIRTHDAY and good luck with the balancing.

Up date no matter what you do in life, all success come from people. Who you know at the time of need and if they see your possibility and want to help you along. I believe that yet again I may have met such a person in a delightful woman who is an intuitive like me. She is a loverly person with much insight and knows what we are doing and with the help of her men, son and husband, can leads us down another road to success. Unlike the young man I met in the summer who had a wonderful gift and so much worldly possibility, he did not have the respect or focus to follow any thing through, some thing I do hope he learns through life. This lady, Mary-Anne, whom I met by chance (nothing is by chance is it!) is warm loving true to her self and wise. I hope that she and I will speak again soon and that I am not loosing it in my ability to read people. I see so much in them that they do not always see in them selves. Here is hoping, for a good friend of the true kind and are rare things indeed.

Up date, Mary-Anne gave me a contact to someone who may be interested in the motor, they seam to be interested and we are seeing them this week. Life is about what you know an who some one else knows that can link you together for a better good. Nothing is by chance only be design and a willingness to help people on their journeys through life. Thanks Mary-Anne, no matter what may come out of it, thanks for the belief.

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What happened to Lora Lee?

Posted on October 13, 2008 by Sara Troy

A strong woman with amazing talents, where did it go what happened to her? You come across some people who have a gift, and their gift is for mankind. Their understanding and intuitive nature allows them to see things in a clearer light and shed that light for others to follow in.

How can some one who has embraced the true nature of natural birth and been so in touch with her own body spirit and mind, how does she get so angry that she would kick it all away?

I speak of a woman who’s love of birthing and passion for showing women their inerrable rights in birthing and who has her self has had 9 children, could end up so hate full. How can some one who has shared so much love give so much hate?

Balance, pain, a missing link with The Mother God and I believe a chemistry imbalance. This woman who has done so much for others for got to do some thing for her self. She loved herself as a birthing mother but did she love her self as a woman. She did at one time love her man Bill but mother love became all encompassing with no room for him and in turn her.

They loved who they were and what they did, but I do believe that they could not completely love each other in truth and honesty, as they could not give each other the honour they both were due. She became Goddess of birth and with such a strong passion running in her blood even that passion was not enough to fulfil her.

Did she buy into the fact she thought she was a Goddess? Did she become almighty? Or was it that she just did not feel any more, that her true honest love for her self and her God was distorted and she had lost her way?

She went on to write a book casting aside the wonderful informational birth-love site even her children and most defiantly her husband. I believe that it was somewhat an erotic book again tapping into her considerable passions. But maybe all of this was just that she was not getting the passion or looking for it in out side ways. I know that her marriage was not easy; I know that as a physical woman she would have been left wanting. I know that because I am now with her ex husband and I know how he works. He is a true Green personality, an analyst a thinker a very spiritual soul who some times forgets what other people need from him. He does not do it maliciously for he does truly love me and still in some ways still love her. He does it because he just cannot feel the same way we do and does not understand the disconnect that it leaves behind. I am a grown woman who speaks up when I am pissed of, but Lora Lee was only 18 when they met and they had their first child very early, not giving them selves time to really connect and understand who they both really are.

But it was not just him, her issues with her parents, with life in its self and her compulsive nature led her to live a life of extremes pure highs and crashing lows, how could any one find any peace in such imbalance! She seams to be only really a peace when she is amongst the woods, the trees of peace and tranquility. She can hibernate for hour’s days and get truly lost in the spirit of the forest. But the first time I went to her house I did not know that she was at the bottom of the garden hiding, but what I did feel was a great over whelming sorrow.

She has lost her way, she has lost her connection, she wanted him gone and he finally went. She wanted him out of her life forever and made sure that would happen. But what I think she did with the connection to his children was a Lora Lee extreme; she turned the children against him in hate and in fear. For that I am disgusted with her, but I know that in her disability to love evenly and that she is an all or nothing person, that this was her way of hurting him for what he could not give her and of which she so desperately needed, connective love not just spiritual love.

Now 2 years later, we have children who hate their father for delusional reasons, and fear him because she has made him an evil enemy. Does this make her feel loved once more, does it fulfil the hole with in her, does it breed the harmony that she wrote about in birth-love so much??? Is she happier for hating so much and living that hate every day? Or has killed her soul, her God given connection to inner peace her desire to be loved in full for who you are?

He has not been able to see his children in over 2 years, every time he has tried; she has made them run from him. No calls no responding to calls, no letters, and no contact at all. Has he managed it right? I would have preferred he fought for them tooth and nail, but you cannot fight a tornado, you cannot reason with it, it only wants to destroy. So now he hopes that the tornado is burnt out, he can go amongst the rubble and try and build a new relationship with his kids and try and heal all the hurt and pain that has been entailed from this hatred this venom, which has left every one a little, poisoned.

So I ask how can a woman who was so intuitive, so in tuned with the body, so gifted in her passion of truth, end up living such a lie and causing so much pain. What happened to her to go from such love to such hate? It has to be more than just discontent, more than envy, more that just getting back at some one, her balance is so off that if some one does not reach out to her to help her (if she will let any one near she does not associate with any one) I fear she will just give up on life and every one in it.

We can not place blame here, this is not about that, but about understanding how to help some one who is in so much pain that they can only lash out and hurt every one around them. How do we help her find that love again, that purpose that gave her so much love and gratitude? Ultimately she has to come to terms with her self and her actions for no healing starts till ones sees things for what they really are and faces who we have become. Every thing destructive comes from pain, comes from sorrow, she needs to face that pain and sorrow and let it go so that she can grow again in her own light and find the peace with herself in order to attract it form any where else. This takes time diligence, there are no quick fixes but only tenacity in the belief of freedom from the pain of our lives and inner turmoil’s.

Eleven people are hurt when there use to be so much love. For what, for whom and why, who benefits from it all? I have been down this path of pain hurt disillusionment and distrust. I have lived the in the lies and the devaluing of ones person. I do know what it is about, but to go to such extremes of hurtful hatred to get back at some one of whom you did not want any more, is destructive and a distraction from the real issues. No matter how we try, we cannot out run our hate our pain and inner lies. Face on deal with it, let go of it and rebuild it, learn to love for the right reasons and give love unconditionally and in honour and in truth, only then can we live honest productive and worthwhile lives.

Please send out love to this woman so that she can learn to feel again what it is like to know love over hate.

God Bless you Lora Lee, I wish you honest love and inner truth, please find the courage to face those inner demons and let them go.

Blessings with you.

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To much sadness, but a loss that brings a future…

Posted on September 30, 2008 by Sara Troy

She has lost so any people that she loves. Her mother and father, her brother and her nephew now her sister. Too much loss and too much pain.

I have known this woman for 18 years now, our children played sports together and we were in each other’s lives. We both had undying love for our children and both reached out to people to aid them in their lives. Every one thought that we were the strong ones and could cope with any thing, but did not expect to be there for us.

We were there for each other, when things were bad we helped each other, when we were both broke we fed each other, when we were down we picked each other up, but most importantly we believed in each other.

I owe a lot to Sandy Wintle, for she always believed in me even when I did not. Her faith in me helped me see my own life and her direction for me aiding in me making decisions to better my existence. She has had a big impact in my life and I owe her a lot.

Sandy is one of those people who unknowingly helps people by her words and feelings for that person. Her spirituality is sound and her journey to enlightenment is ever in motion. She does not always follow her own visions, because she has a tendency to be to analytical, a desire to have to understand it all and not just trust it and follow the path given to her.

Now after shoulder operations, job exploitation and life disappointment she has had to yet again face another family member dying. Her sister Sharon had lost her only son 19 years ago in a stupid accident that never should have happened. She never got over it and no matter how she tried just never had any value of life in her to give. She had buried her mother, father, brother and son, and even though she really loved her sister Sandy and nephew Nick and niece Carly, her loss was just too much and at the age of 53 her heart gave out.

Sandy is lucky to have 2 children that love her so deeply and that are so close to her, for this is Sandy’s Anker. They are a tight loving trio who are always there for each other and share in every thing in their lives.

As a reader I have told Sandy that her life is about to start again and for the better. Right now a good new life makes her feel quilt, as Sharon will not be with her. But it is what Sharon wants, I have felt Sharon presence and she is finally at peace for the first time in 19 years. She is with her Mathew and she is in warmth and spiritually happily entwined with her boy. Now together they will be behind Sandy and the kids to find a place of happiness of joy and of purpose and of love, for it is what she deserves and it is what every one wants for her.

Strength is mostly silent, it is not mussels, not power, but a force of ability to keep on keeping on no matter what the challenges are in life’s way. Sandy Wintle is one the strongest women I know, and I know that it is her time for her to glow in life, her time to love and a time of joy that she richly deserves.

With Carly and Nick by her side and Sharon and Mathew behind her, Sandy will live the life that she was meant to live for her self and for all those that are unable to now.

God speed Sandy, the Gods are with you, we are with you and I will always be there for you. TRUST IN THE GODS FOR THEY WILL NOT LET YOU DOWN, FOLLOW YOUR DESTINY AND LIVE IT AS YOU WERE ALWAYS MEANT TOO.

Love you girl.

UPDATE.

So far Sharon and her son Matthew have already redirected Sandy and Carly’s life for the batter. Now that she is untied with her son, they will both be the positive wind behind Sandy and her children. You go girl.

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When a good vibe is right.

Posted on September 26, 2008 by Sara Troy

Its back…. Those good vibrations. Maybe its because my man and I our back on track, which I believe it is, or that it is just that it is our time to succeed.

We have had quite a journey, and we have known heights and the very lows. We have reached our very bottom so new there is only up up and way.

It could be my cycle of change is coming about, my birthday is around the corner, or that the Gods think that that it was about time some thing good happened to us.

Whichever way it is, I am happy to embrace a new beginning. Good good vibrations, positive light, our ship coming in, our time to shine, we will accept it all.

No more disappointments, just the yeses and the lets do its. Only the people with the light of possibilities in our life and the dreamers who make things happen.

Yes it feels right. The fact that we are embracing life again in honestly and together makes it right.

Keep watching guys, for soon you will see GOOD news plastered all over this site in celebrations of our dreams seeing the green light of direction not stagnation.

Dream with us and lets make a difference in this world

Dance girl feel those vibes. Tasha my girl

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How saying good-bye opens up to saying hello.

Posted on September 26, 2008 by Sara Troy

It had to be done. It is like designing some thing that when you come to make it, it turns out all wrong. The design seemed right, the pattern was good, but some thing got lost in translation and it just was not correct.

I had to say good-bye and when I said it I meant it. We had come far together but drifted apart from one another, the connection in its truth was lost.

In cutting it off even in only one arena was a severing that would have had an enormous impact of all of our futures. But if we are not connected then there is a lie and the relationship dies a slow unnoticed and unprepared death.

BUT, if the foundation is strong and the love was true in the first place, one can say hello all over again. You know if it is just reaction the need not to let go for it is different. I had honestly said good-bye to our love relationship, I had let it go no matter the pain of it, and I had to do it for I could not live in a half commitment a half-truth. He says that he loves me and I do know that he does, the question was could he show it and could he share it?

We had been through so many struggles in these last few years together. We had only had a few weeks of honeymoon period before life hit the fan and we had to face the ugliness of others jealousy and their bitterness to the world, dumped at our door. It grounded us rudely and abruptly, one cannot get that joy back again after that unless one really works hard at doing it.

We cried, we talked, I got mad and let my frustration out of all the disappointments that I had in every thing that we were and were doing.

Eventually I collapsed in to a fitful sleep now confused with my life and direction.

The next day, there seamed to be a different energy in the air, a signature of some thing before. When he said that he loved me it was with a meaning that I had not heard for a long time. He did not want me to go, he reached out to me in such a way that felt true and honest. Although I recognised his truth, I still did not know if I could go back or if the door was firmly closed, as when my door really closes it stays shut. But I had obviously left a crack open and he opened it up wide and we embraced the love that had been lost. Was it just in remembrance reaction? Was it here to stay; was I hoping for it to be real and not facing facts?

It is real, it is true, it is honest, for I know that feeling of trust I have with him when he is here with me in this truth. Is it here to stay? I truly do pray so for I do love this man and do want to be together through all we have been though the bad and difficult, the frustrations in our work and the no joys. We have reached for heights, but been pulled to the very depths. But when we are united we can do it all, and face all of it as long as we are together in our honesty and inner truth.

Will it last? Only if we work on it. We have worked so hard to bring this technology to light, it took every thing from us, we almost lost each other and the world, our children and believers would have it all, but what would we have had? In the end, a dream that went on with out us, leaving us with our two depleted souls.

We must make it work by giving us time to enjoy each other, words of love to each other, and value of each other at all times no matter what is happening around us. We must treat our selves as we do our business, respect it, value it and nurture it for it to reach its full potential. For if we do not, next time the door will close by its self and a love that could have been so wonderful, would have been left behind as a casualty of a successful business.

Remember folks, if some thing is so wonderful is in your life and you love it so much, do not think that with out nurturing it and giving honest love that it will always be there for you. Treat it like any thing else of value in your life, with respect, and integrity, and no there is no insurance policy on love, this one you have to work to keep.

I love you my Billie and may I always stay in love with you too.

UP DATE MARCH 5/09
Love and its many splendour is not for me. I know the love of respect of value for who I am and for what I stand for, but what seams to elude me is the true simple love of a man to woman.
No Billie and I did not make it, not in the true romance, it was just not meant to be. He loves me and could love me and live with me forever, but just as friends, partners, buddies.
I like living with Billie, we live well together and will business to do so, but now in separate bedrooms each single in our own right but forever friends and each others partners.
This is for the best, with all the demands placed on us with the development on the company, and Bill being of reclusive nature, we could not have loved one another man to woman because it would detracted from our purpose in our business, which is bigger than either on us.
So best of friends, house buddies, business partners we are and happy to be so. But if I am ever to love again in spirit mind body and soul that is up to the Gods, for I do not know if I am meant to be loved in that manner or if any one can love me like that.
I am a giver, the strong one, the brave one, the warrior, arms around me in strength and love do not happen.
So me love will be felt through the accomplishment of our business, the achievement of the Trust Funds and in the pride for what I stand for and that is enough…. although I long for a lovers arms around me loving me completely with out an-agenda.

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