Sara Troy's Art of Positive Living

Well I did it, I had my eyes lazored and yes I can still see. Better than I ever could. It is taking some time to heal as I am/was far sighted. Also as timing would have it, a few weeks before my op I was rear-ended in a car accident and it has caused many pinched nerves that slows circulation, and in turn slows eye healing.

The next thing to happen 3 days after my op was my father in-law died. Although I new this was coming, it did come too fast. This meant lots of driving before being ready, and lots of stress, as I also had to write an uglighy and be there for my estranged husband to support what he was going through. Alas we all got through it and now my father in-law is at peace, time for us all to move on.

So where are my eyes at now? I still wear glasses for driving some times, which could last up to 2 months in all. I will need store bought reading glasses at some time in the future, but no more specs, free of contacts free of glasses every day. Continue reading →

So far, I have met single men looking at young single women, or men far too content with themselves to be looking at anyone at all. So I decided to look into a dating service. I had met a delightful English lady of about 58 who was on her third husband, whom she had met through an online dating service. Her delightful comment was, “Darling it is easier to get a man than job in this city.” I should have got the dating services name, because the ones that I tried have not been very successful.

First I tried a service that could not get my sex right. They kept insisting that I was a man looking for a man. When they did get it right, I can honestly say that I am not turned on by men wearing ‘Wife beaters’ (vest tank tops) nor by a man with a beer in his hand, nor with another woman on his arm.
So I then hear of this dating service that questions and scrutinises their clientele fully. Only professionals allowed, completely above board. I spend two hours there, all the time asking what the price was to join. When she decided that I could join, I was told it would be $1600 CND + tax for six dates $3000 for unlimited use. Well they do have a lot of clientele and maybe there would be someone nice there, but not on my budget.
So back to online dating? And maybe one day I will be lucky with it?

Well I have also heard of speed dating where you have eight minutes to meet someone then you change places on to the next. I believe that you write down the one you would like to see again and they connect you if that person wants to see you too. Well, a friend of mine did this and has met some one dishy, so maybe I will give it a try.
I have thought of joining things, no not the gym or church or political party, but something with exciting lively people who enjoy life and conversation. I’m still looking, it will present itself soon and I will know when I find it. 

I am off to England to visit my mother and family soon, and you never know, I might meet someone on the plane. I have been bumped before and it could happen again. That’s the thing, you do not make new friends by design but mostly be circumstance and fate. Therefore, I will keep my eyes open my mind clear and my aura positive, and my next best friend will materialise.

He died 36 years ago on the April 20th. He lived life fast and furious, running from his demons, running to his hell. He was my father, and I only knew him for 11 years of my life. He died of a heart attack at the age of 46. I believe that he could have lived longer if he was strong enough to fight for life.

During WW2 my father was a fighter pilot in the R.A.F. in England. Squadron Leader of a Mosquito Squadron fighting in the Italian theatre and Southern Europe as the war progressed. It must have been very stressful , but he did it well. He was a man’s man, and like the company of other men at the bar, drinking the pain away of yet another friend shot down and lost to all. My father did not like to talk about the war, nor the scars it must have left on him. But what war leaves any of our heroes without pain and bad memories, and perhaps a little fear of tomorrow.

After the war myy dad, Robert (Bob for short), was an importer and exporter of timber. He worked in the family business along with his brother Cyril, whom he hated with a passion. Cyril was a complete fool in business and ultra conservative, never wanting to expand or spend money, which put extra pressure on my dad, who could see the post-war possibilities. Although the business did well, with father running it, he had many conflicts with his brother, and I do believe that this is one of the things that contributed to his early death.

My mother and father had an opportunity to come to Canada some years before I was born, but my dad chickened out at the last minute, I really do feel that if he had come, he would have had a much longer life and a much more rewarding one. I now live here in Canada, in Vancouver B.C a place that I call home and a place that he would have loved.

I remember taking our dog Candy for walks when I was home from boarding school. We would talk and teach Candy new tricks. One time, when we where on one of our walks, the moon was so beautiful that it felt that you could see many countries on it. I saw the romantic side of my dad that night, and as I thought to myself that I would like to spend more time getting to know this man, little did I know that it was possibly the last walk we would take together forever.

I feel and have been told that I am a lot like my dad, and an awful lot like my grandmother Daisy. I feel Daisy’s presence a lot, and do believe that she is my guardian angle watching over me. Who knows what would have happened if he had lived, we might have got to know each other better, or he may have retreated into himself more.

My dad, Bob, did not feel comfortable with emotions or illness. Unfortunately I was a sickly child, and needed more attention than the others, I have a half sister Jane and a whole brother Sam. I have always loved to hug and be hugged, I never really place a high value on myself and my illness tiresome for everyone. I needed love and hugs to reassure me to help me breathe again and to feel wanted. I used to leave my radio on at night deliberately, so that my father would have to come in and switch it off. When I heard him open the door, I would close my eyes and pretend to be asleep. If he thought that I was awake he would chastise me, but if he thought that I was asleep he would kiss my brow. I would wait for hours for him to come and kiss my brow. I longed for the love that I needed from him.

It is not that he was a hard man, but only that he did not know how to show his emotions as it was not allowed when he grew up. Nannies and servants bought children up where they were seen and not heard, this is the way it was in those days.

My father loved sailing, he had a sailboat that we kept at the summer home. Every weekend that we could we would be down there watching him sail, my mother and I were to scared to get in the boat with him, as he sailed it like he raced his cars. (He was once a racing driver). After a sail, he would go down to the pub for a drink with the mates. He felt more comfortable in the company of men; he talked their talk and felt important in their company. This put a huge gap between himself and my mother, who was left alone far to often, only to receive a drunken husband at her door late at night.

I do think that if my dad was here today, I would be able to help him confront his emotions and understand the person he really was. I feel he was a victim of the war, like many of his generation. His pride and the lack of emotional care that is needed to bring up a child was probably not his fault.

He showed his love in little ways. He was a victim of the times, ‘the stiff upper lip Englishman’. It takes more courage to look in and to face up to one’s shortcoming than it does to lie to someone else. Maybe my dad did not know where to find this courage, maybe it was not allowed in those days, but whatever the reason it shortened his life.

I still miss him. I have three children, a cat and another dog, just like Candy. A Border collie. As I train the dog I try to remember how he and I trained Candy together, trying to hold to the few memories that I still have. I was very angry with him for years, dying on us like that, and not having the courage to fight harder for us to live for us. Now years later as I have fought my own demons I realize how hard it was for him. In understanding I learn to forgive, now I just miss him.

You will always be with me dad, and I see you in my son Tyler. You would be proud of them dad, I only hope that you have watched them grow up over the years and shared in their lives with me.

Be at peace and when you live again may it be a joyous life filled with love and joy and positive emotions.

With much love

Sara your little girl

Sara Towe escapes to the sun

So off we went, all aware of this last trip and that we do not spend a lot of time together as a family any more.

As I lay in the water in “The Blue Lagoon” in the Bahamas, I was thinking, Boy I am getting baked. Tis true, I was baking away and I did not care. The water was so blue and crisp, the sky surrounded you like a peaceful blanket, and the air was softly brushing against my hot brow. I did not suffer long as I used aromatherapy to combat the burn and I was peeling in no time. Paradise? yes. I could have stayed there for a very long time, weeks, months, but alas duty called and I had to say good-bye to that wonderful island of blues, whites and water.


Sailing back to Nassau one could see the big very big Atlantis Hotel, looming over the city. It stood there inviting you in, but also telling you that you would have to mortgage your house to stay there. The middle apartment goes for $25,000-00 U.S. a night. If had that kind of money to spend I would have a yacht where I could escape to when ever the pressures of life got to much, like once a week.

I was on a cruise with my family, which took us for only one day to the Bahamas, and then back to Fort Lauderdale. We had left snow behind in Vancouver B.C. Canada, and were very grateful to be in 86-93 degrees. This was the last family away holiday, as my oldest is 19 years old and my 17 year old is about to graduate and the 13 year old would prefer to be with her friends. 

So off we went, all aware of this last trip and also aware that as we do not spend a lot of time together as a family any more. That 8 days all-together was going to be a challenge. We survived well considering, not to many blow ups. When you have so many strong personalities together, there is bound to be an occasional clash. Driving in the States does not help, you have to drive so far just to get to the next town, every thing is a big distance away, and can be quite boring on those long stretches of flat roads. Do not get me wrong I found Fort Lauderdale a very pretty place with its palm trees and beautiful homes, but in B.C. Canada, every where we go there are always trees or mountains and green areas that just suck you in to their beauty. It makes driving less of a chore and more of a pleasure.

We were lucky that we sat with an other couple and their three sons at the table on the cruise, as the four oldest got on very well, and partied together both on the boat and on land. They are a very nice couple from Orlando, who introduced us to ‘grits’, and we had a fun time with them in 
Ft Lauderdale. Thanks Stone family, Robert, Lisa, Randy, Josh and Bobby, hope we meet again.

In order to get this trip discounted, (haha) we had to attend a seminar at the Radisson Hotel on Singer Island. It is a sales pitch, they want you to buy a time share room at the hotel, and then you can have discounted holidays any where in the world. We bought into it, the young girl Maria was very persuasive, and it is a very good idea. Having children of travel age and desire, we saw it as an inexpensive way for them to travel, $129-00 U.S. a week with in North America and $169-00 international. But alas when we got back to the hotel and read the fine print and translated it into Canadian dollars, it just was not feasible at this time, so we cancelled the dream, but grateful that we were introduced to it, because we will seek another location closer to home.

Food, boy did I miss our Chinese food, and the prices WOW, for each meal we had there we can have 2-3 excellent meals here. We are so spoilt here in Canada, our dollar may be weak but what we can get with it is not. We eat well here and we are close to so much, and we have such a diversified way of living that there is always something to do and to go to. I love going places, to see to experience, to enjoy, but I love coming home.

I must admit sunshine does make life a lot more pleasant do deal with, I sit here now with the rain falling outside and the sun beating down on me in that blue lagoon as just a fading memory. Sigh!
But work has to be done, my web site is almost up and ready, and my business is officially about to launch, so lots to do and prepare for plus I have a furry new baby coming to my home. Kokomono Gifu will be joining us tomorrow; she is an 8-week border collie with a big white collar of white fur and a white patch over one eye. This means training and praying that the cat won’t kill her, but look at her as a playmate, a furry sister. Why have I done this now just as I an about to launch my business? Why get a dog? Well my youngest will be spending a lot of time alone now with everyone working, so to keep her company and protected Kokomo will be there for her. Plus when I see clients that have been through a trauma, a dog has a way of bridging the gap and putting them at ease.

Gosh there was so much to do before I left for the trip, and it now feels so long ago, but no matter what I will fondly remember the sun that day burning away my winter coat and warming my so needy soul. Memories are what it is all about. In the humdrum of each day, it is good just to go back in time to a memory that reached in and touched your soul. No matter what, no one can take away your memories and what it is you choose to remember is your choice.

Now back to work, and to prepare for Kokomo (my youngest named her) and realize that our lives are about to change forever once again.
Positive living to you all, and I wish you sunshine in your souls.

© SARA TOWE April 2002
 Vancouver, Canada.