What I have missed while bringing up kids.
I am a mother of 3 wonderful children who are 13, 17, 19 years of age and I take motherhood seriously. I have been there for them since they where born and will always be there for them, you cannot take motherhood out of a mother, it is there for life.
It has come to my attention that while I have been bringing up my darlings that another life has been happening around me that I did not know existed. My brother who has traveled the globe is writing an article about Vancouver for a US magazine and I discover he knows all the little haunts and unusual places to go in this great town of ours, and I have been here a lot longer than him.
My life has consisted of schools, dance lessons, sports, kids friends and ferrying kids between all.
My own social experiences have been, most logically, and almost exclusively around other mums lunches. Aternoon teas are with the kids at the end of a walk and kid related school meetings. All very exciting at the time, but after some years one forgets about being a woman who loves to go to the theater and who once loved the night life at one point in time; you simply are just are too tired at the end of the day to even think of it.
Now that my life is in the process of changing radically, I will seek the life almost forgotten, and renew my love of the nightlife. First I have to suss out what is out there for a middle aged vibrant woman like me. Yes you can still be vibrant after having 3 kids and being middle-aged. I AM NOT DEAD YET. Although I have been in many ways for years now, I have been so consumed by my children and ignoring the otherwise lonely life that I have, that it does feel that I have not been living in the real world. My husband has always had his own social life, and for the years when the children were young I did not pay to much attention to all the evenings that he was gone. Now that my kids have their own busy lives, I spend nearly all my time at home alone with the cat and the dog. Thank God for loving pets.
A new and exciting but also terrifying life is around the corner for me, I am to become single again, and I am to reach out into society and hope it will be kind to me, show me a positive direction into a one that will inspire me to live my own life again to the fullest. I am not looking for the singles scene but for a group of people who like to go out and discuss anything over a nice meal, or to go to the theater or the movies with, or even a simple coffee.
I have started a new business “The Art of Positive Living” where I teach people about their colourful personalities and how to read and communicate with them. This is exciting work and does get me in touch with people of all ages, but however much fun it is, it is not a social life.
Most people of my age have a tight selection of friends that they have built up over the years.
I have only a few due to being so wrapped up in my kids and having no social life with my husband’s friends. Trust is a key word is it not? I don’t want to bother with an insincere person just to socialize, why bother? I have an abundance of patience, but my tolerance of fools has been worn down over the years. There must be some people out there that love life and love to explore the world that they live in with someone that is fun and independently minded. If I meet a man down the road all very nice, but what I seek now are people that are alive who think visually and are attentive to life’s little quirks and opportunities.
The advantage of starting life again in your forties, is that you now know what it is that you seek and you finally have the insight to see it when it appears. You still want to live a full life, but you no longer run around like a headless chicken off not knowing which way to turn. By now one should have an idea of what you life should be about and it should be easier to move it into position. One hopes that is the case. I will keep you posted on how and where I start this new life, but if anyone has some ‘Positive’ tips on where to go to meet new people in Vancouver, not a dating game, but just people who wish to hang out, please do email me and let me know.
I once wrote an article about only the lonely, some people responded to that, stating that no matter your success in life we all can feel lonely at times. Well I want to connect to others who wish to choose when they wish to be alone rather that living the loneliness.
Are you one of those people? Or are you a survivor of it?
Do tell.
Written 2000
