2002. ‘In making that choice to be single again I have to live with the decisions that I make concerning myself and the directions I take in my life.’
Change is inevitable, one cannot go on just as it has always been, that is impossible. However, how we react to that change is up to us. There is a book I highly recommend called “Who moved my cheese” by Spencer Johnston M.D. It is a metaphor for how easy or hard change can be.
I am undergoing a huge change in my life. My husband of 22 years is moving downtown with my son and my oldest daughter will only be with me for four more months before she too flies the coup. Then it will just be my fourteen year old daughter, cat, dog and moi. This means selling the large home of course and downsizing to a smaller, but still roomy enough house that can accommodate children and animals coming and going. These changes are stressful in their own right but alongside promoting a newish business and balancing who has what, as well as adjusting to single hood again, it will indeed be challenging. I am also hopeful there will be adventures along the way..
Fortunately my (former) husband and I get on very well, just the usual thing of we went astray in our marriage and instead of being partners and lovers we ended up friends and pals. This however makes for very good relationships when separating from one another. Why have all the bitterness? We have been together for a long time, have three children together and have traveled some bumpy roads. There is a bond that will always be there. I will always love him but alas not be in love with him. He will now do the male bonding thing with our son of 18 years, and I will do the girly thing with the girls. I will decorate my new home with warm, soul pleasing colours and I will move more vigorously forward with my business and meet new people to expand my horizons of life.
Is it going to be easy? No, I had to wait for some time before I could get to this place and time. I had to plant seeds, water them and watch them grow, most of all only accept a peaceful outcome. To do this you have to have faith in yourself, which in itself is an interesting journey, and to have faith in a higher power, for all healing comes about with a positive attitude and trust in time.
When one imagines change, you have to see yourself after the initial changes have been done, or you will not make it through. The details are consuming and there are a lot of issues that will mean you have to be flexible. Even though I will be a single woman again I am far from free. With a young daughter to look after and two dependent pets, a home and a business, I cannot say I am free.
However, I am free to make my own choices (aside from my duties) and choose my own direction. I can choose who to socialize with, and pursue what and whom I want. Choice is freedom. In making that choice to be single again I have to live with the decisions that I make concerning myself and the directions I take in my life. This will take some getting used to and some adjustments. I choose to make it fun and an adventure in the best way I can.
After we have moved and got settled first thing is to go full steam ahead with my business, “The Art of Positive Living” I love what I do because I love seeing peoples minds unravel and the understanding light bulb come on. It is never dull and always introduces something new to the equation. I will meet people through work, plus I intend to meet people through joining things. (This city has so much to offer we are spoiled for choice). I am putting my Kokomo (border collie) in to herding lessons this summer. She and I will go for long walks exploring this wonderful province (British Columbia) that we live in.
I have already been decorating my new home in my mind, (which I have not yet bought or seen) and decided on a three colour scheme. I will use all three colours in my living room and then use the individual colours in adjoining rooms. I lay awake at night creating a new space; I am really trying my own patience. This is whom I am, always creating something and visualizing the future. I am also a believer that you have to visualize what it is you want for the universe to see it also. How can the cosmos energy help you if you do not ask in a clear fashion? And beware, as the saying goes “be careful for what you ask for, you just might get it.” I ask within my logical boundaries and for what I believe that I deserve. I truly believe it will be answered, as it has been so in the past. I did not get here alone, the positive energy in the world guided me here, I listened and felt it and now from darkness to light I have been guided to a new beginning.
You have to believe in something, start with yourself and then a power that is so strong that it is hard to avoid. It does not matter what you believe in or who, ( keep it positive) but only that you have a faith that you trust in and speak to and let guide you in life. You cannot do it all alone, no matter what you think. We need, and as ‘needer’s’ we must look to something positive and enlightening in order to grow with a peaceful heart and an open mind. There is darkness around us all the time, and it is easy to be drawn to the constant negativity that is bombarding us. Trust your gut, look up and start feeling the life within you and around you, you are not alone, but some journeys which lead to a stronger more fulfilling life, have to be made alone. Who and what you believe in is YOUR choice. Your journey is to look for it with an open mind heart and soul. It can be done, I have done it, and so have many others. Scary? Yes it can be, but all so rewarding when you reach those checkpoints and you know that finally you are going somewhere and you like it.
So off to a new life I go. Where it will lead me and who I will meet on the way, I do not know, but I will place my trust in my faith and know that I am not alone and that my journey will be fun, and enlightening.
I will give you an update in the fall. May your journey be a safe and open one.filled with excitement and new wonders.
Written 2002
Sara TOWE aka Troy
Update 2005. I did move on and I am in that New way of living and very glad of it, try it its great. I found that new love through Kokomo and we have been together now 2.5 years and building a company and life together. Wishes do come true. UPDATE, this ended after this but we shared a home and helped each other build our new business and remained friends, we were house mates for 11 years, but it also made it hard to date, living with your ex lover.
Update November 2017. Moved on again, a whole new beginning in every way, totally single, and open to massive changes, one day I will get it right. I am totally ok with being single right now, my business Self Discovery Radio and Community, takes all my time and fills me with such joy and I am moving to Toronto to further the business now. So if and when it will ever be right, I am open to yet another relationship but it does not define my happiness, I am open to is enhancing my life, but not controlling my life.
Stayed tuned for the next chapter of my life.
Now Sara Troy by choice.
